3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
