is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
