you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
