Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
