Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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