Can i not drive my cunt home
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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