I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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