I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
