You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
