Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
