Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
