u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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