Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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