oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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