Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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