Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
