You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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