oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
