The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
