Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
