I'm lost and stupid without you.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
