I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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