The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
