end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
