I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
