I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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