I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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