She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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