I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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