Don't make out with my wife yet
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
