She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
