The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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