Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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