hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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