how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
His hands were made for my vagina.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
