Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
