I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
