Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
