Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
