Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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