Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
