Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
