You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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