Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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