At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
