there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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