I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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