I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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