NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
