Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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